Yes, you got the title right. I was once a mistress and believe me or not, I didn't regret being one. I was not an ordinary low-class mistress who asked for money, ruined a family, or engaged to sex. So, If you're wondering what kind of mistress I was, I guess I was one of the ones who just fell in love.
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| Image courtesy of dearoldheart.blogspot.com |
Don't get me wrong, I am not proud to be a mistress. Not at all. It's true that I didn't regret it because I learned a lot from that experience. I have come to realize a lot of things. I learned who will be the ones who wouldn't judge and stick with me till the end of my battle.
Many says that those who can bear to be in a forbidden relationship are either desperate, insecure, gold digger OR, some are just plain home-wreckers. I admit I was guilty of one thing or two. I was kind of desperate that time; I was under the impression that no one's gonna love me again. I believe that's one common sentence you're gonna hear from a person who went through a traumatic break up. My self esteem was as low as you you could imagine.. I was so vulnerable.. I felt unwanted by many, I felt unimportant until he came..
He's a former office mate; he was not that approachable, kind of "suplado" and he initially caught my attention because he's really good looking. He was my team mate and I heard he's already married. And since I was new to the team, I had an excuse not to talk to him. I didn't even intend to have him included on my friends list. It's not that I'm trying to be "suplada"; it's just that I don't want to be friends with a person whom I am attracted with. Considering that he's married, the least thing I would want is to make a move. I just simply didn't want anything that has something to do with him.
After a few months, I was receiving anonymous emails from this person who wants to be friends with me. I didn't have an idea that it was actually him. Mixed emotions. I was flattered and worried at the same time. But hey, he just wants to be friends, so what's the big deal? It's not like he's not friends with anybody. Your guess is as good as mine. We became good friends, which eventually led to a relationship.
We were so good in keeping our "little secret" to everyone. Even my bestfriend who I was with everyday didn't know that there's something going on between me and the guy. (I guess I have to start addressing him by his name to make it easier for me to write the story. Let's just call him "jumong" since they look alike. That's how good looking he is.) I can say that he loved me too. I felt it. We were both victims of "right love at the wrong time". Time flies when we're together and as much as we would like to spend a lot of time together, we can't. I saddens me that I cannot introduce him as my special someone because he's not really mine in the first place. He's married and ought to be a father so whenever I'm alone, guilt always strikes me.
Months passed and our relationship grew deeper and deeper. I felt so loved and special and I was at my happiest because finally, I found a guy who loves me unconditionally. He even said that he's willing to leave her wife, son and religion just to be with me. That was when I realized that what we have is wrong because a son is about to lose a father and a wife is about to lose a husband. Because of me.
I loved him so much and even if it kills me, I decided to stay away and do the right thing. We have to end what we have even if it hurts like hell. I know he's not mine and he will never be that's why I decided to be in the right path. I guess it was also God's will because his wife found out. She bombarded me with harassing text messages and called me a home wrecker and honestly, I can't blame her. She threatened to get me fired from work since my then-supervisor is her best friend. As expected, my job was affected and I almost lost my friends because they were defending me only to find out that what they learned to believe was just a lie. I knew then that I couldn't handle the situation alone. I decided to tell my parents. Letting them know was the hardest because they trusted me too much and thought I was smart enough to never let myself in that kind of situation. I guess blood is really thicker than water because they stood by me all through the way. We even came to a point where we had everything settled (My parents, Jumong's parents and the legal wife's parents). I had to take all the insult and painful words because it was my fault in the first place. I should have avoided in right from the start but I didn't. So if that was the price that I have to pay, bring it on.
I decided to quit my job and move on. I moved in Manila even if I was clueless about what kind of life I'm gonna be having now that I'm away from my family. Fortunately, I found a job but I had no place to stay yet that's why I decided to go home everyday. There were mornings that I'm seeing him at the bus station, looking for me. How he found out? I have no idea. There were also nights that I'm seeing him in front of our subdivision, waiting for me. But of course, I chose not to talk to him, even if all I wanted to do was put my arms around him. Last thing I heard, he's still trying to get in touch with me (through a friend) but I opted not to give any of my contact information. I have moved on and he should also do the same. 8 years have passed and I have learned a lot from my experience. There are times that I still think of him and our memories still make me smile. He changed my life and he made me a strong person. I am now happy with my life, my baby and my partner. There are times that we're having problems since he's away but I'm glad because we still make our relationship work; for our love and for our daughter.
