Where Is Daddy?

I woke up the other day and just like what a person addicted to Facebook would do, I checked my account to see if I have new messages or comments etcetera.  As expected there was a new comment on one of my pictures (portrait of me with my sleeping baby) which says "Where is DADDY?" my initial reaction was anger because obviously, the person who commented was trying to imply something. Whatever that is, I am certain that it's something too personal and quite offensive. I tried to conceal my annoyance and jokingly answered "Somewhere out there. lol" for I feel that I'm not required to disclose information about my personal life in Facebook,  not to mention that this person knows nothing about me. I was deeply offended and I immediately deleted him on my friends list when he answered "Never joke about the daddy! She needs HIM while GROWING!" The nerve.

Image courtesy of Wallcoo.net

After a few hours of contemplating while getting my daily dose of Tom and Jerry (courtesy of Cartoon Network), I have realized that the guy has a point. My daughter needs a dad. I am a semi-single mom since I'm raising my child alone since her dad works overseas. "Semi" because I'm not officially a single mother. Yet. I suck in dealing with LDR (Long Distance Relationship) and God knows how many times I considered breaking up with my boyfriend because I'm kind of getting used to the feeling that he's not here with me. I am responsible with everything as far as my daughter is concerned. Literally. For now, it seems like her dad's task is just to "like" or post comments on Facebook. That's it. I do not mean to whine but I'm just a human being who gets tired too especially when I'm taken for granted. It's tiring to deal with someone with no initiative, no moral support and all. I have confided my situation to a friend and she made me realize that It's somehow my fault because I'm not helping him at all to be responsible because I'm showing him that It's totally fine with me even If I'm technically handling EVERYTHING. 

Just recently, I have stopped communicating with him, hoping that with my absence, he will see my worth. I just got fed up being ignored. I am not perfect and I know I have shortcomings too but I DON'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED THIS WAY. I hope I'm not being selfish for choosing to love my self a little bit more. I hope one day, he'll realize that there's someone who will call him "daddy" a few years from now and when that time comes, I hope he has learned to be responsible. 

I am not wishing for a good husband at this moment. I am praying hard for my daughter to have the best dad. 

Whitney Houston meets Michael Jackson in heaven!

Hilarious video! It made me laugh so hard and it took all my negative vibes away.This video reminds me how much I miss Michael Jackson, his legend and his music.

What if?

What if I'm single again? Will I be able to handle it? Maybe yes, maybe no... It'll be a lot easier if it's just me whom I have to consider. But no, I have my little one now. Arggggh, I think I really need a drink. It's so hard to be happy for the past months. I don't know why. Maybe because he's away? I'm starting to get tired of this situation. Long distance relationship sucks! I don't think I can take this any longer. I want to be out of this relationship but I don't know what and how to tell him.

Relationships have ups and downs... but I think ours has been on its downside for how many months now (At least for me). He just won't admit it or he might not be aware that I'm feeling this way. I don't wanna get married anymore. I just woke up one day realizing that I'm not so sure about getting married. I know I'll pass the motherhood test but I'm not sure if I'm gonna be a good wife if we continue this despite of what I'm currently feeling. I don't wanna get married for the wrong reasons; it will never work out.

Don't get me wrong... I love the guy. I really do. I'm just not sure about getting married. Maybe because I got used to the fact that he's not with me. I'm dying to be with him but I'm scared. Even I can't explain what kind of feeling is this. I hope one day, I'll be back to my old self. I hope that the old Honey who loved him so much will be back ASAP. I wish I could talk to him about this but I don't know what to say either so, what's the point? Maybe I'll just sleep it off. things will be better tomorrow I hope. 

One Fine Day With My Quality Family

It's Sunday and I had a blast with my second family. It's been years since we last went out. It feels great to take a break and spend time with good friends after an exhausting week. It's fun to remember and talk about the crazy things we used to do back in Sutherland. We didn't realize that we spent nearly 6 hours reminiscing.

• Start and end of the week meeting that we never took seriously because we were just chatting
• Dress-to-impress every Monday
• Hiding from our bosses because Chicha and I are wearing "palengke outfit"
• Reports! Which reminds me how I miss playing with MS Excel
• Corporate Complaints (the most sensitive report I handled for the longest time) No room for mistakes.
• Weekly audits that Chicha and I start doing every Friday. It still makes me laugh whenever I remember how our fingers literally turned purple due to 30-40 audits done in one sitting
• Galamus moments courtesy of CJ and Pete
• Certification booboos! 
• Double shift
• Calibration sessions with Joe
• Drinking session
• Endless coffee breaks
• Usapang Kasamaan haha!
• Spooky moments during our stay at Cityland
• Family days every Sunday (movie, coffee, food trip and shopping!)

Too many to mention. I miss working and I miss them. I miss Sutherland (haha) and I miss my Quality team. We'll be having a drinking session next Sunday and I just can't wait to spend another time with them. 

HOW I MADE A LIVING ONLINE

Just when I was about to give up in having extra income while staying at home, I came across with this amazing site. JustBeenPaid was introduced to me by a friend and I am so thankful that I took the risk and tried the program out. There's nothing to lose anyway since registration is free and the program has the "PAY IT FORWARD" feature that lends $10 to newly signed-up members so they can see how it works and prove that the earnings grow every day without doing anything. 

Image courtesy of Demond Johnson

I was skeptic at first (who would believe that you can earn without doing anything in the first place?) but when I registered and observed the system for a couple of days, I decided to use some of my spare money and  purchased 15 more triplers. I was so psyched to see my earnings grow every day and I realized that purchasing triplers can be so addicting.

I am sharing  this information not because I want to promote the site, but just in case you want to try it out and start earning passively, I have provided the link where you can register for free. This would be ideal for stay at home moms like me, students, regular employees and lazy people *wink* who wants to literally earn while sleeping. It’s beyond ideal actually; like in my case, JustBeenPaid gave me the opportunity to have the best of both worlds. Watch my daily earnings and baby grow at the same time. 

How Does JBP Work?

1.  Sign up and be a member.

Have your account verified (via email) to complete the registration.

NOTE: Check your SPAM MAILS just in case the email isn't appearing in your Inbox.

2. Set up an account with AlertPay (take the Personal Pro and have your credit/debit card linked on your account), Solit Trust Pay or Liberty Reserve. You can manage your payment processors by clicking the "Profile tab" in JBP back office.

3. Buy at least 1 Tripler position to start earning 2% during weekdays and 1.5% during weekend for 80 days.

(This is the perfect time for new members to take advantage of the $10 loan. This would be helpful to those who want to try the program out without having to shed a single cent. Be informed though that the same amount will be debited after 45 days. The Pay-It-Forward feature was used as a marketing tool to have the site introduced to all)

* Once your JBP account gets verified, log back in and click "JSS Tripler" which can be found in the blue box. Enter the member area and take advantage of the $10 loan.*

The more positions you purchase, the more daily earnings you get. Please see the examples below:

5 positions worth 50 USD x 2% = 1 dollar DAILY earning

10 positions worth 100 USD x 2% = 2 dollars DAILY earning

20 positions worth 200 USD x 2% = 4 dollars DAILY earning

50 positions worth 500 USD x 2% = 10 dollars DAILY earning

100 positions worth 1000 USD x 2% = 20 dollars DAILY earning

200 positions worth 2000 USD x 2% = 40 dollars DAILY earning

JBP Basics:

Each tripler/position costs $10, which will give you $15 after 80 days as each position matures at 150%.

JSS tripler/position pays 2% during weekdays and 1.5% during the weekend.

Get a free JSS Synergy Surf Matrix spot (that gives you $60 rebate when it cycles) for every 4 matured/expired triplers.

IMPORTANT UPDATES:

Please note there is a fraudulent email circulating with the subject: "JustBeenPaid - You won 100 usd". This email DID NOT originate from the JBP system and is a "phishing" attempt at getting your personal Liberty Reserve Account information. Please click on our Important Security Alerts banner below for more information. *** Stay informed, stay safe! ***

Daily Payouts (up to 2%) currently take up to 5 hours to be accomplished, starting at 12:05 CEST.

The daily JSS-Tripler Feed (JSS matrixes from expired positions) is experiencing some temporary delays in matrix placement.

We appreciate your patience as we work to enhance and optimize the system.

Just like what the title says, I was able to make a living online. And the best part is, my earnings grow on a daily basis. I'll soon start withdrawing some of my earnings and have them added to my little one's savings account, which I have yet to open as soon as her birth certificate gets released. Thanks to JustBeenPaid.

PAYMENT PROOFS AND IMPORTANT LINKS

True enough, convincing people that you can earn online without being scammed is not an easy task. Words are not enough, so to support my post above, I prepared screen shots of my daily and running total earnings. 

image courtesy of Demond Johnson

My daily earnings as of April 13

Total earnings as of April 13

My first withdrawal

Withdrawals made easy through the AP Debit Card

You wont score if you don't take a shot. The payments posted above all started with questions and doubts. The key in this program is investing only what you can afford to lose. I'm glad I took the risk; I didn't lose anything but gained a lot more. Thanks to JustBeenPaid. 

IMPORTANT LINKS:

You might also want to join us on

Official JBP-JSS Tripler  Philippine Group

JBP International Group

EARNINGS AS OF APRIL 30

Earnings as of May 16

I am now at $53 per day... how awesome is that?

I just got paid! :)

Raising Mischee

It's been months since I gave up my job due to delicate pregnancy. I wasn't ready to quit then, but my little one's health might be at stake if I continue to work and go all the way from San Fernando to Clark every night. It was indeed a tough decision but I was certain that it will all be worth it. 

Being a stay-at-home mom is not an easy task, believe me, there were times that I actually prayed hard to wake up from a nightmare. Taking care of an infant nearly drove me crazy! Being a mom is definitely rewarding, but overwhelming at the same time. Dang, I couldn't even have a decent bath.

image courtesy of http://www.quizazz.com

Things got worse when my daughter started to grow up... Growing up means more diapers, bigger dose of formula milk, new clothes, etcetera. It's not that we didn't prepare for it, It's just that I didn't expect she'd grow up TOO FAST. I couldn't go back to work because looking for a nanny that I can trust is a lot harder than I thought. My hands are tied, I had no choice but to stay home and be a full-time mom. I wasn't sure if staying home was the culprit why I was once (or still?) the queen of paranoia. A lot of things are going in my mind, my daughter's future, how to get my old position back, regain my self esteem, lose weight, earn money, get my old self back and rekindle the good relationship that I used to have with my partner. I just woke up one day, realizing that I am unstable in almost everything. I felt so alone. Yes, I have the most supportive parents in the whole world but I guess, that was the problem. I was trying so hard to prove to them that I can handle what I've gotten myself into. I didn't ask for any financial help though it was my number one challenge. All the uncertainties, pain, anxieties -I kept to myself. I had no one to talk to; not even my partner. I opted not to talk to him because I think we'll just end up fighting. There are some things I assume he wouldn't understand maybe because he didn't see what I had to go through since day 1 of my pregnancy until giving birth of our little Mischa. There were times that I actually considered myself as a single mother; because that's what I am feeling and technically, I am raising our daughter alone. Like literally alone since he's away. I couldn't do anything but pray and cry almost every night while watching my daughter sleep. There wasn't a single day that I didn't ask for guidance, strength and more patience.

I can say that I am now coping, adjusting, whatever you call it. It all started with acceptance. I guess I had a hard time accepting that I am no longer the old Honey who does what she wants, goes where wants to go without having to worry about anything. It took me a while to embrace the fact that its just not myself, who I have to consider because I already have a child who needs me. I didn't realize how being a mom could change one's life. Everything will change. I have learned to be selfless. 

Mischa on her 2nd Month

Things are getting better as the months pass by. I have also found an alternate source of income while I'm taking care of my little one. I can say that I am now somehow back to my old self. I guess I was able to pass the first stage of being a mom. ADJUSTMENT. All I know is that, I am the happiest whenever I see Mischa smile though of course, there are times that I want to throw her out of the window especially when she cries just to bug me when I'm busy. Sigh. This is just the beginning. 

Lessons learned:

• Giving up is never an option when you have someone who will call you "mom" in a couple of years or so.
• I have given up so much of what made me who I am, but I made a choice and even if it's harder than I thought, I should never regret it. I don't and will never regret it.
• Patience is a must

Now that my partner is coming home soon, I have yet to pass another test... I am certain that I'm gonna the best mom for my daughter. Now here lies the question... Will I be a good wife?

What do you think?

Missing The Big Ocean

Words are not enough to describe how much I miss my old life. Having a baby changed the whole "me" and I was not told how much I have to give up. Travelling is obviously one of the things that I have to put on hold in a few years or so. Sigh, It's summer and I'm home... I guess I'm just not used to it. I miss getting a tan line, I miss setting my feet in the sand and of course, I miss the big ocean!

For now, what I can do is to make myself feel better is to reminisce (haha!) and share some of the amazing (at least for me) scenery captured by my "photographic eye".

One of the nature's wonders. I never seen a cloud like this back in the city. 

Who wouldn't fall in love with this place?

Perfect for a drinking session either with your date or friends.  Mindoro Sling is a must-try.

About to be home in a few hours. This photo was actually featured in Project  7107

Cozy, isn't it?  

Another good scenery

Getting ready to be sun-kissed

Can you imagine how fresh the air is?

I can't wait for my baby girl to grow up so I can travel again and when that time comes, I'll have my little one to tag along with me. I can't wait.

Hunny Santos' photostream

Hunny Santos' photostream on Flickr.

How Facebook Ruins a Relationship

Okay fine. I'm guilty. These may be the reasons why I'm almost single now. Sigh.

1. Increases Jealousy: Facebook breeds

jealousy in more ways than one. From

old flames writing on your bf or gf's

wall, accepting friends of the opposite

sex that you don't know or "liking"

someone's status one too many times

is enough to drive some partners

crazy. Jealousy stems from your own

insecurities about your relationship,

but turning to Facebook is only going

to make it worse when you see

something you don't approve of.

2. Your Relationship Status: From

"single," "in a relationship," to "it's

complicated," Facebook is all about

people's statuses. Some couples argue

over the relationship status, or lack

thereof, because it is a stepping stone

in the relationship and it shows you're

cool with publically announcing your

love. If one person is hesitant to be

Facebook official and the other isn't, it

may be enough to make or break the

relationship.

3. Photos from the Past (or Present):

Photos are definitely the most popular

feature of Facebook. If you're a

habitual detagger or never post

pictures, you may not have to worry

about photos with exes. However, for

the other millions of people who have

no shame in their past may keep their

photos up. Seeing a current bf or gf

with their old love may not bother

some and drive others up the wall. If

you're a guy with lots of lady friends or

vice versa and you like to take pictures

with them, it may spark unnecessary

jealousy from your partner.

4. It's Addictive: You probably already

know this, but Facebook is highly

addictive. If you're a daily Facebooker

who's also in a relationship, you may

run into some problems every time

you sign on. Couples can become

addicted to spying on their partner's

Facebook profile, especially when they

spot something they don't like on

there. This kind of addiction feeds petty

jealousy that is not particularly healthy

for a relationship.

5. Friends with Exes: Without fail, exes

manage to become an issue on

Facebook. Whether you are Facebook

friends with your exes, communicate

via wall post or message one another,

jealousy and fights are sure to follow. It

may be completely innocent and not

hidden from your boyfriend or

girlfriend, but that doesn't mean your

significant other isn't going to have

something to say about it.

6. It's Too Easy to Snoop: It's not

impossible to crack into your significant

other's Facebook, or sneak a peek at

their messages when they leave the

room. Of course, if you're doing this

with or without permission, you may

have a bigger concern than just being

nosy. Snooping on your significant

other's Facebook to find dirt is a red

flag in a relationship.

7. Showing No Online Love: PDA is no

longer reserved for in person only.

More than ever, Facebook has become

the place to sweet talk your sweetheart

for the whole world to see. Showing

online affection is a big deal to some

couples, but not everyone is a fan of

the gushy love notes. This public

display of affection is done for many

reasons- for public attention, to

appease your significant other or you

just can't help but shout it from your

computer chair. Showing online

affection is usually never a problem

until one of the partners doesn't

respond, hides or deletes the

comment or doesn't say "I love you"

enough on Facebook.

Prayer To Help Me Forgive

My Lord, help me forgive when everything inside me tells me not to. Help me let go when my heart is so wounded that I feel it’s breaking. Open my eyes to things that can heal me, things that can comfort me and make me stronger. Hold my hand and let me cry on Your shoulder. Take me to places I’ve never been, let me stand on the highest mountain, so I can see how foolish I am for clinging to my anger. Show me a glimpse of Your greatness, so that I can make it my treasure when everything else seems to crumble around me.

Teach me to make the best of all the painful circumstances in my life and help me love the people who hurt me as You love us all, although we hurt You every day by our words, thoughts and actions. Give me the wisdom to see beyond this moment, to understand and accept the deepest motivations that make people hurt other people. Give me the inner strength to heal and not to break, to comfort and not to destroy, to repay good for evil and love for hatred.

And last, but not least, make my faith stronger, so that I can cope with moments like this in the future. Turn every experience into a magic well, from which I can always draw drops of strength and wisdom. Teach me the alchemy of love, which changes dust and mud into gold and makes everything worthwhile. For You are the only help I’ve got and in You I put all my trust now and forever.

AMEN