Being a stay-at-home mom is not an easy task, believe me, there were times that I actually prayed hard to wake up from a nightmare. Taking care of an infant nearly drove me crazy! Being a mom is definitely rewarding, but overwhelming at the same time. Dang, I couldn't even have a decent bath.
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| image courtesy of http://www.quizazz.com |
Things got worse when my daughter started to grow up... Growing up means more diapers, bigger dose of formula milk, new clothes, etcetera. It's not that we didn't prepare for it, It's just that I didn't expect she'd grow up TOO FAST. I couldn't go back to work because looking for a nanny that I can trust is a lot harder than I thought. My hands are tied, I had no choice but to stay home and be a full-time mom. I wasn't sure if staying home was the culprit why I was once (or still?) the queen of paranoia. A lot of things are going in my mind, my daughter's future, how to get my old position back, regain my self esteem, lose weight, earn money, get my old self back and rekindle the good relationship that I used to have with my partner. I just woke up one day, realizing that I am unstable in almost everything. I felt so alone. Yes, I have the most supportive parents in the whole world but I guess, that was the problem. I was trying so hard to prove to them that I can handle what I've gotten myself into. I didn't ask for any financial help though it was my number one challenge. All the uncertainties, pain, anxieties -I kept to myself. I had no one to talk to; not even my partner. I opted not to talk to him because I think we'll just end up fighting. There are some things I assume he wouldn't understand maybe because he didn't see what I had to go through since day 1 of my pregnancy until giving birth of our little Mischa. There were times that I actually considered myself as a single mother; because that's what I am feeling and technically, I am raising our daughter alone. Like literally alone since he's away. I couldn't do anything but pray and cry almost every night while watching my daughter sleep. There wasn't a single day that I didn't ask for guidance, strength and more patience.
I can say that I am now coping, adjusting, whatever you call it. It all started with acceptance. I guess I had a hard time accepting that I am no longer the old Honey who does what she wants, goes where wants to go without having to worry about anything. It took me a while to embrace the fact that its just not myself, who I have to consider because I already have a child who needs me. I didn't realize how being a mom could change one's life. Everything will change. I have learned to be selfless.
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| Mischa on her 2nd Month |
Things are getting better as the months pass by. I have also found an alternate source of income while I'm taking care of my little one. I can say that I am now somehow back to my old self. I guess I was able to pass the first stage of being a mom. ADJUSTMENT. All I know is that, I am the happiest whenever I see Mischa smile though of course, there are times that I want to throw her out of the window especially when she cries just to bug me when I'm busy. Sigh. This is just the beginning.
Lessons learned:
- Giving up is never an option when you have someone who will call you "mom" in a couple of years or so.
- I have given up so much of what made me who I am, but I made a choice and even if it's harder than I thought, I should never regret it. I don't and will never regret it.
- Patience is a must
Now that my partner is coming home soon, I have yet to pass another test... I am certain that I'm gonna the best mom for my daughter. Now here lies the question... Will I be a good wife?
What do you think?
